


A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Thru a Stargate (The Nameless remix)

by debirlfan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Communciation difficulties, M/M, Remix Revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 04:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20500667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debirlfan/pseuds/debirlfan
Summary: After going through the gate to an alien planet, the team suddenly finds themselves unable to use proper nouns. They find other, interesting things to call each other.A sequel of sorts to mific's story. It will probably make more sense if you read that first.





	A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Thru a Stargate (The Nameless remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mific](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mific/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Scientist, the Soldier, the Hot Chick and the Big Hairy Guy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14669145) by [mific](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mific/pseuds/mific). 

They had thought that as soon as they missed check-in, their problems would be over. The city would attempt to dial the planet, they would be unable to connect, and they would send a...spacecraft...to pick them up.

All of which happened. The military second-in-command had arrived with a full squad, expecting trouble. The trouble he had expected, though, was hostile natives, poisonous plants, or perhaps some sort of injury. Not an away team that suddenly was incapable of using proper names.

It was, the scientist supposed, understandable that the second-in-command had initially thought he was being pranked. It was, after all, the sort of thing that the team's leader would consider hilarious, if he wasn't one of the victims. Luckily, their...female stick fighter was above trying to pull that sort of joke, and the second-in-command believed her, even though he might have doubted the rest of them.

However, that was only a minor issue. The real problem was that upon their return to the city, they found they were still unable to use names. The scientist had hoped that flying back—returning to the city via a properly functioning gate—would somehow fix the issue, but it hadn't.

When it had just been the four of them together on the planet, the lack of names had been an annoying inconvenience, but they'd been able to work around it. In the city, it was a much bigger problem. Further, they'd discovered an additional issue. In addition to not being able to use names, they were unable to comprehend when others used them. Proper names reached their ears as nothing more than gibberish.

Of course, as soon as they got back they were all paraded to the medical center. The pretty young doctor had done a battery of tests, but couldn't find anything physically wrong with them. They'd even called in the other doctor—the scientist really didn't want to think of him as the clone, but his thoughts insisted on going there—but he couldn't find anything organic, either.

The scientist's short, heavily accented associate had his nose buried in the city's computers and insisted that he was working on it. The scientist had tried to help, but given his difficulties in communicating, much less searching the computers, even he realized his presence was more of a distraction than anything else.

Spiky hair arrived and dragged him to the hall where they normally ate. Selecting food and beverage was something of an adventure, eventually achieved by simply pointing at the desired items. The short, bespectacled man in charge of the base had made an announcement regarding the team's current difficulties, but various people still kept coming up to them and trying to initiate a conversation. It was awkward.

They were both working on dessert when they were joined by the other members of their team. The big, hairy guy sat down across from the scientist, then reached over and snagged what was left of his pie.

“Hey!” The scientist protested. “Do you mind?”

The big guy shrugged. “Don't mind at all.” He finished off the dessert.

“Not funny.”

“Has....” The warrior babe groaned in frustration. “Have your fellow scientists come up with an answer yet?” She didn't have to explain what she was referring to.

“No. Short and accented is going through the....” The scientist cursed under his breath. Apparently that was a proper name, too. “The old language historical computer records. He hasn't found anything relevant.”

Big and hairy snarfed a forgotten roll from their team leader's tray. He of few words designed to speak. “Maybe it's the planet.”

The lead scientist snorted. “That's ridiculous. Why would the....” He fell silent for a moment. “Huh. Actually, you might have something. We've been assuming that the gate was malfunctioning because it was broken. What if it was functioning correctly? If it was meant to do what it did?”

Their leader twisted his face into a scowl. An expression, the scientist noted, which made him no less attractive. “Why would...those who were here before us...want to mess with people's ability to use names?”

“It's not just the ability to use them. It's the ability to even think them.” The more he considered it, the more sense it made. “Think what that would do to a species that communicated telepathically?”

The female member of their team nodded. “Yes. The inability to use names is difficult for us, but would be a far greater handicap for those who communicate mind to mind.”

“So this might have been done intentionally as a defense against the space vampires?” It was obvious that the wild-haired soldier was warming to the idea.

“Precisely. We need to go back there and fix the dialer. I'm betting that if we repair it, and then dial out through that gate, we'll be back to normal.”

“Get your tool kit, extra crystals and whatever else you need.” The team leader pushed his chair back and gestured to the warrior woman and the hulking giant. “You two get ready, too. I'll go talk to...bald with glasses.”

* * *

Bald with glasses was less than helpful. “I can't allow your team to go back to the planet. With the dialer on the other end broken, there's no way to know what might happen if you were to go though again, and I can't allow you to take a...shuttle. If there was an emergency, there'd be no way for you to call us.”

The commanding soldier understood the base leader's position. He might have said the same, if it was someone else asking his permission. But, they needed to get back to the planet. If...the guy who had unexpectedly confessed that he found him sexy...was right, it might be the only way to get their names back.

“The rescue team that came for us landed on the planet without incident. What if someone else flies us there? Once...once the gate is repaired, we can come back through the gate, and they can bring the shuttle back.”

Short and bespectacled considered that. “I'm still not sure this is a good idea, but I'll allow if, if you take #%&*@# with you.”

The name was nothing more than a jumble of sounds to him. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, sorry. Um, short scientist, heavy accent. And have your second in command fly the shuttle.” The base commander hesitated. “Good luck.”

* * *

Just more than four hours later, the scientist was the first to step through the portal. He turned as the others followed him through. “John?” he asked, delighted to hear the name roll off his tongue.

“Rodney!” John grinned. He glanced over. “Teyla, Ronon?”

“Yeah,” Ronon grunted, no more verbose than he ever was.

“Yes, thankfully,” her relief obvious in her voice.

Woolsey was waiting for them. “Colonel Sheppard, I take it all is well?”

He nodded. “Lorne and Zelenka are on their way back, they should be calling in at any moment.”

“Very good.” Woolsey glanced at his watch. “It's getting late. A full report can wait until morning.” He headed back toward his office.

“I'm hungry,” Ronon announced to the others. “Going to the mess hall.”

“I'll join you,” Teyla agreed. “John, Rodney?”

Sheppard shook his head. “Maybe later. I've got something I need to take care of.”

“I'll....” Rodney opened his mouth to say that he'd join Teyla and Ronon when he felt a hand on the small of his back, and heard the faintest whisper in his ear.

Three faint words. “Sex on legs.”

“On...on second thought,” Rodney stammered, “I'd better check in with the lab. Who knows what nonsense they've gotten up to while I've been gone. I'll catch up with you later.”

As their teammates headed off in search of food, John raised an eyebrow. “You're going down to the lab?”

Rodney smirked. “I didn't say that. I said I was going to check in.” He fingered his headset. “I can do that by radio from my quarters. Or, if you'd rather, from yours.”

John grinned. “Yeah. That will work. That will work just fine.”


End file.
